Sometimes I Plastidip random scrap just so I can peel it off, but aesthetically, I kind of loathe matte finishes on vehicles unless it’s just as accent pieces. You can kind of get away with matte black if it’s on a shitty old muscle car or, like, a Gremlin, or something with similar lines, but I’ve just never been a matte finish kinda kid! It never comes out right. It only really works if you’re going for a couture version of that me-and-my-buddies-spray-painted-this-and-now-we’re-off-to-the-county-fair-to-flirt-with-high-school-chicks look, which again, only works on the kind of cars that look approximately like someone cast a Tyra Banks Life Size spell on their 70s Hot Wheels.
I saw some of those really cool satiny matte duochrome wraps at World of Wheels, and I fell in love, but they’re expensive as hell and only really look good on the kind of broad, flat cars that upper middle class twenty-something vapelords who think they’re too good for Subarus like, which isn’t really my scene.
My dream paint job for the future hearse depends on what model, but I’m aiming for that pastel teal that was really popular on 60s typewriters, with wood paneling.
You know what the ugliest hearse in the world is? Like, the one car I would strike from existence if I could?
I was looking for one specific car, but upon further inspection, it’s every hearse Mercedes made after 1979, actually.
If you think this looks good, you’re contractually obligated to deactivate.
It isn’t that Mercedes makes the absolute ugliest modern hearses, because shit like this exists:
It’s that they have so many good vehicles to base their hearses on and such a hearse-friendly brand aesthetic and what they come up with is just so consistently bullshit!
I know that I was only harping on pre-1979 stuff, and hearses specifically, but like!!! These look so good! This is the shit I live for. And they have the capacity to make their new ones look just as well integrated and dope, but they want me, personally, to suffer at the hands of their incompetence. Also, again, 80s not 70s and not a hearse, but this ambulance is borderline erotic and I think we should all look at it together:
The only companies that have consistently made hearses that look good, fit their brand, and make me horny for death are Buick and Cadillac. I wish I could include Mercedes because I really am a tremendous slut for a ton of what they’ve done in the past, but unfortunately, they are idiots and fuckers who obviously don’t consider the most important aspect of hearse design, which is: Would Patsy Ann look sexy doing doughnuts in this in an abandoned church parking lot on Christmas eve while “Like a Prayer” blares through its open windows?
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
I meant I was only whining about post-1979 stuff. Sorry. This discussion I was having with myself got heated.
Exodus from the blue hellsite 