Aries: If you’re going to rest, do it on your laurels. Where do these assholes get of, telling you where and when to rest. You’re the one with the laurels.
Taurus: Wolves cannot blow homes down, do not worry. What you should worry about is their ability to work together. Teamwork is the key.
Gemini: Run your mouth. It needs the exercise.
Cancer: People want different things out of life. They want their ribs to not be broken, you want to continue hitting nazis with a baseball bat. Civilization is being able to resolve simple issues like this.
Leo: International copyright law is the seal on the tomb of an ancient cosmic horror. Every time you rip a song off youtube the lock fades just a bit.
Virgo: Coffee does actually make you more spiritually aware. Usually your nerves give out before your astral essence does.
Libra: Hell leaks from the monuments to atrocities.
Scorpio: Introspection and self-criticism is healthy. Autovivisection is not what your therapist had in mind, but consider the stars and I impressed with your resolve and medical knowledge.
Ophiuchus: Stay home today. Nothing dangerous, you just deserve a day off.
Sagittarius: Pouting will not make the assassin any less effective. Its good to express yourself, but you need to deal with external and internal problems.
Capricorn: Break out the good shit, its full plate time.
Aquarius: The stars say there’s a new woman in your life. Well, what used to be a woman. She is very very good at hiding. Good luck.
Pisces: Things are just 50% more romantic if its happening on a rooftop. Use this to your advantage.
Normal Horoscope:
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Exodus from the blue hellsite 