Hardison has a rule that he will never, ever hack into any Stark Industries servers. He’s heard enough horror stories, thank you kindly. The only person who he knows of who ever got anywhere is this person with the handle J.A.R.V.I.S., but he doesn’t know if that’s a rumour or not.
Nate knows every piece of art in the Stark-Potts collection and what it’s worth. He has retrieved at least four pieces. Pepper knows him by name. When he loses his job and Sterling takes over, Tony is like: why can’t we have the other one back? He’s an alcoholic? SO? I HAVE A BAR. HE CAN DRINK HERE. I DON’T LIKE THIS NEW ONE PEP.
Special agents Thomas and Hagen get assigned to SHIELD as FBI liaisons. SHIELD totally knows Parker and Hardison aren’t really FBI, but they know about Leverage and are like: eh, it’s fine, just keep them away from any alien stuff and don’t let them steal anything.
(Also, I’m not saying Melinda May and Eliot may have had a fling in the past but Melinda May and Eliot may have had a fling in the past.)
Sophie once dated Tony Stark for a weekend. She wasn’t even trying to con him, she just saw an opportunity while conning someone else and was like: you only live once. She won’t tell anyone if she slept with him or not, just smiles mysteriously and says ‘he was a perfect gentleman… until I asked him not to be’. It drives Nate insane. (What she means is they went to get greasy burgers at an all-night diner after a gala, in their fancy clothes.)
Parker likes watching videos of Black Widow and seeing if she can replicate her moves. Eliot may have been a Very Willing Test Subject for the Death By Thighs move.
There is also a week where she decides she wants to be like Hawkeye. Nate has to ban sucker darts and toy bows before Eliot murders her. Or Sophie. Or Nate himself. Hardison is immune and probably builds her a sucker dart compound bow with laser guide.
Nate has Complicated Feelings about Captain America being back because Sam used to love the comics and he’s not sure if this guy is the real deal and will live up to the hero his son worshipped.
Nate gets over himself pretty quickly when he sees Steve Rogers cuss out a Fox reporter who tried to stop him on the street to get him to condemn vaccines and universal health care. They watch the 25 minute lecture-rant at least three times as a team. Nate thinks he’d like to buy Captain America a drink.
Nobody mention the similarities between Eliot Spencer and Bucky Barnes, it will not end well.
Especially when one time, Captain America and his buddy The Falcon showed up because they got a tip Bucky was ‘working at a brewpub in Portland’ and Eliot had to let him down that sorry, he was the only long-haired murderfaced assassin at this pub. He offered them dinner on the house and very manfully made it all the way to the back of the kitchen before doing a little freak out fanboy dance because he shook Captain America’s hand, Hardison, oh my god I’m going to feed him so much chili.
They have to distract Parker from trying to steal Sam’s wings. And make her give back Steve’s wallet. Twice.
The week Wakanda made itself known to the world is the week Hardison lost the ability to speak in anything other than high pitched squeaks of delight and awe. (Hardison literally faints when his online gaming buddy shows up at the brewpub like: what up, Hardison, guess who’s actually the princess of Wakanda and has a badass invisible ship.)
– You have to shower. You cannot shower. You are standing right in front of the shower. You want to shower. You cannot shower.
– The meeting begins. “Did everyone see the email?” There is a chorus of nodding heads. You nod, too. You think you may possibly have checked an email account before, on one single occasion, at some unknown time, probably in a past life.
– You are hungry. You have been hungry for three days now. The hunger has not spontaneously resolved itself. How inconvenient, you think. How rude.
– You depend on your planner/calendar. You loathe your planner/calendar. You can’t function without it. You live in constant fear of it. It’s an unhealthy relationship. You think you both should start seeing other people.
– There is a pile on your floor. It is a treasure trove, the Room of Requirement. It has everything. You look for something specific. It has nothing. There was never any pile.
– There’s been a change of plans, they say. You don’t understand. They repeat: “there’s been a change of plans.” You don’t understand. The mere suggestion causes a buzzing in your head that drowns out everything else. You don’t understand.
– You’re in class and you don’t understand the lecture. You look back at your past notes. You look at a calendar. You have not been to class in two weeks. You have no memory of this supposed time. Where did it go? Why did it leave?
– “Organizational tips for success: Keep a planner! Write it down! Stick to a schedule! Make a list!” You are torn between deranged laughter and ugly crying. You choose both.
Exodus from the blue hellsite 